Eloping in the mountains is one of the most amazing experiences you can have in your life. It allows you to have a “just us” experience that is intimate and intentional. You break free from all the social norms and traditional wedding rituals that you probably feel just aren’t YOU. However, we understand that for many couples, there is a battle between wanting to elope with just the two of you, and also not wanting to offend family. Today we’re going to explore the pro’s and con’s of having family at your elopement. Plus we will give you 5 ideas to make family feel special, even if they aren’t physically present.

I (Joe) shot big weddings for over 10 years and often times, I became a part-time family psychologist on the day of the wedding. So many times a family member (OK…usually the mom) would want things a certain way, different from what the bride wanted, and they would both get upset. I would have to bring the bride and groom back into the moment and re-focus their energy on starting their marriage off right.

Now that I’ve moved to western Colorado, I only shoot elopements and I focus primarily on 2-person elopements because of the meaningful intimacy it brings to the wedding day. The love between the couple is more important than anything else on this day, and I want to help steer you in the right direction.

Since Covid-19 hit, I’ve heard from a lot of couples that have cancelled their big wedding and now want to consider eloping, and bringing their family with them. Bringing family into your elopement can be a wonderful thing, but it can limit you from breaking free of the traditional wedding pressures.

Below, I’m going to explain the good and bad of having your family present at your elopement. Remember, this is from my point of view and what I have experienced so far as a Colorado elopement photographer. Every family is different and you have to decide for yourself how things will really go.

The Good:

I always like listing the good first, because I believe that everyone has good intentions when they’re in the presence of an elopement.

1. You will feel at ease. Eloping with your family in an intimate setting, is one of the most beautiful experiences you will ever have. Seeing the joy on the faces of your parents and closest friends is incredibly meaningful.

2. They will feel important. Your loved ones will feel special that you chose to include them. Having your closest loved ones present in the moment that you dedicate yourself to someone, is extremely special.

The Bad:

1. Even if you elope, it’s impossible to avoid the opinions of others who are there. Family members will still have opinions about the ceremony location, the words you say during your vow exchange, if you choose to hike & get your dress dirty, the hotel you booked for everyone, where to eat, etc.

2. Having family there can affect logistics and flexibility. With two people, it’s no problem to hop in a Jeep and go off-roading early in the morning to get to an amazing location at sunrise. If a pop-up rain shower happens, we can easily wait it out. If an early autumn snow closes a road, we can pivot and find a location plan B. Also, older parents or grandparents may not adjust to the altitude as quickly, and could become ill the day of the wedding or driving up the mountain to the ceremony site. 

3. Guests will limit your location options. The most scenic ceremony sites are a little remote and out of the way. Many of them have small areas to stand, to have the most impressive background in your photos. The rock outcropping might have enough space for the two of you, the officiant, and the photographer to stand. But not enough space for 6 others to safely stand for the whole ceremony. To get to them, everyone needs 4 wheel drive, which means you might be renting up to 4 Jeeps. There’s likely at least one person coming who doesn’t want to hike; this will also reduce your location choices. 

4. Your family will be at your honeymoon. When couples have a destination wedding here, they are normally honeymooning here also. So if you bring your family, they will be around for the honeymoon also, because everyone is trying to make a vacation out of it. Not an ideal way to intently start your marriage off with just the two of you.

5. It is more expensive. Depending on the airline, the cost of plane tickets alone to the western slope of Colorado is around $400-$900 each. If you get married during the busy season lodging not only costs more, but it gets a lot more crowded, which means fewer places to elope. Also, permits cost more with guests: 2 people getting married on National Forest land costs about $250. Ten people will cost you around $450 at least. Most locations in the area require a permit.

Here are 5 tips to not offend family when you elope:

1. Have a party back home after the elopement with your close family and friends.

2. Live stream the ceremony. Before signing off, say a quick word of thanks to everyone tuning in. 

3. Write letters to your very closest loved ones for them to open on your wedding day. 

4. After the ceremony, take an immediate selfie or short video, and send it to your family. 

5. Bring special souvenirs from where you elope, or go old school and send postcards!

The definition of “elopement” is changing rapidly, and many people (both old and young) haven’t heard of a destination or adventure elopement. Help us break the negative stigma that eloping has. When they see your photos afterward, they will all understand! If your parents are against the idea, sit down with them and explain why you want to elope. Reassure them that it’s not because you don’t want them there, and you respectfully want their support to start your marriage off in a way that is most important to you. It will give your marriage a stronger foundation than acting like you’re enjoying a 150-person wedding that you don’t want to be the center of attention at. 

We (Joe & Rhonda) are happy to give you more advice about eloping with just the two of you, and not upsetting your friends and family. Send us a message at any time; we understand it’s a sensitive and emotional situation. 

Visit our blog for more helpful articles about eloping in Colorado, or click here to read about our adventure elopement packages.